07/05/2026

Sometimes I lose myself, I adapt to the environment around me and forget who I am. I had lost myself for a while, 3 months or so, and writing makes me feel calmer and more adjusted, at least that's what I think right now, it might change. I always say to myself to stop masturbating but that never succeeds. Maybe it's not so bad, again, let's not go down that path again. Just be yourself, focus on your goal and be comfortable with who you are, what you have done. We live in a world where most people don't own anything really. The reason I discovered that is because I am thinking of how I am going to store this journal of mine because I wrote at two different devices, on different disks now. I have an external SSD but it's just a slight pain pulling it out and plugging it in again. I have been thinking of a way to unify all my devices together into one network but just realized that is literally what the internet is. However, the internet unifies everyone together, with the person who creates that network being able to have access everything, so the idea of me writing stuff on Notion, the note-taking website, is kinda dangerous to me. This is the one time where I confess to myself, actually writing down what I am thinking right at the moment, unfiltered. Maybe it is better if we have a network of ourselves, and only we allow what goes into our network. But that feels like an unnecessary layer. I am sure tons of people have thought about this and decided the internet is the best one.

I am about to fail ENGL 309, how funny is that. I have failed in total of 2 classes, and now I am failing arguably one of the easiest classes in there. It's really because I don't care enough to do it. But next time though, I need to choose my course more carefully.

Can a man truly live freely and still achieve goals, dreams, be an important member of society?

Nothing can solve your problems, only you can. But you don't know how, then how is you going to solve your own problems? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.